Category Archives: Weird

John Daly Passed Out Drunk at the Hooters in Winston-Salem

JohnDalyMugshot
Pro Golfer John Daly, Mr. Grip It and Rip It, got sloshed at the Hooters on Hanes Square Circle and passed out in the restaurant.  The EMTs and police were called and after Daly refused to go to the hospital and the police realized he didn't have a ride they took him to the drunk tank for a 24-hour sober up session.  I have to ask: what was Daly doing in Winston-Salem? It's a great town, but it's not exactly a tourist mecca.  Also, how did he end up at Hooters without transportation?  I'm guessing whoever drove him there ditched him, but who knows.

Really sad.  I remember watching him fight a case of horrible DTs during one tournament and then watching the profile of him on 60 Minutes when he said that he was under control because he'd cut out hard liquor and was a beer-only guy now.  I guess that isn't working so well. 

Things Grandma Didn’t Have to Fret

I’m thinking of starting a new category on this blog called "Things Grandma Didn’t Have to Fret" that will feature news items that, quite simply, couldn’t exist two generations ago.  Case in point, one man impregnating 30 lesbians in Australia without ever meeting them, which in turn is leading to concerns over inadvertent incest.  FoxNews explains:

One of South Australia’s
foremost experts in reproductive technology – Andrew Dutney – said that
in one reported case, about 30 lesbians were impregnated by sperm from
one man, the Advertiser reported.

The
mothers then organised picnics with all the children, raising the fear
they might socialise with their half-siblings without realising they
were related.

In another case, a man’s sperm was used to produce 29 children, most of whom were living in Adelaide.

They
did not know who their half-siblings are, raising concerns that in a
"big country town" like Adelaide, they could accidentally commit incest.

Eek.

Imagine if time travel was possible and someone who lived in the first half of the 20th century were to land on this day and read that story.

Standing in for the Winston-Salem Journal

So I woke up and flipped on the TV at the ungodly hour of 5:45 a.m. to check the weather on WXII and see what the youngest should wear to the bus stop.  Had I hesitated a mere three seconds to fully wake up I’d have realized the TV wasn’t necessary as it was raining so hard it sounded like Santa and his mangy reindeer were on my roof four months early and playing a game of soccer.

As I eased into full consciousness I realized that the anchors were talking about the Winston-Salem Journal and so I turned up the volume.  Seems that the Journal is having some issues with its printing press so they turned to WXII to let their five remaining subscribers, me among them, that they need not wade through their ponds yards in search of their paper since they won’t be delivered anytime before leaving for work.  Fully appreciating the irony, and wanting to help my homeys downtown in that bustling hive known as the WSJ newsroom, I’ve decided to provide my fellow readers with a faux-Journal until the Journal’s back on its feet.  Here goes:

  • The following government agencies had meetings last night.  This is what they talked about.  Don’t ask us what it means.
  • Someone robbed someone else.  Police are searching for some suspects, have found others, and will keep us posted.
  • Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center is a big hospital and be sure to read our daily story about something to do with it.
  • Ask SAM features another question pulled from Life in Forsyth
  • Letters to the Editor Summary: If our leaders would just remember that everything they need to know is in the Bible then everything would be good.  Amen.
  • Editorials: Someone did something, and while we think they’re swell and all and we’re sure they’re trying their best, really they’re a bunch of flaming idiots.  Here’s what we think they should do and we know best because, you know, we’re editors. (Isn’t this deliciously ironic considering it’s being written by a guy who spouts off on an eponymous blog?)
  • Business: Krispy Kreme did something.  Reynolds did something.  Wachovia still afloat and really still our hometown bank.  What’s BB&T?  Here’s an AP article about some small business in San Diego, which we’re running because we don’t have any small businesses here.
  • People died.  Some have gone to be with their creator, others are walking peacefully with Jesus, and some are even dearly departed.
  • Virginia Foxx did something and we disagree with her.
  • Sports:  As always NASCAR’s our lead, but we’ll figure out which major development to run under the story about Brian France’s hemorrhoids.
  • Finally our question of the week: If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it does it really make a sound?

If this doesn’t do it for you I guess you could just go to the Journal’s website.

We’ve Come So Far in 40 Years

When you think of the ’60s what do you picture?  Flower Power? Vietnam? Peace Symbols? Free Love? Marijuana and LSD?  Forty years from now what do you think people will picture when they think of the ’00s?  Probably Iraq, terrorism, Freedom Fries, ribbon stickers on SUVs, Oxycontin and Chrystal Meth.  Heck, you might even think of anti-love.  Check out this story from Arizona about a middle school that is punishing students for hugs that last more than two seconds.  Maybe I mis-typed since really this story isn’t about anti-love, but conditional love.  So there we have it: the 00s are the decade of Iraq, terrorism, Freedom fries, ribbon stickers on SUVs, Oxycontin, Chrystal Meth and conditional love.  That’s what I call progress.

If Your 2 Year Old is Suddenly Very Huggy and Sweaty Here’s Why

According to this article a popular toy is being recalled in Australia because when ingested it metabolizes into GHB, better known as ecstasy:

The toy is produced by Melbourne company Moose and won this
year’s toy of the year award at the Melbourne Toy and Hobby Fair.
Bindeez consists of colourful craft beads that are joined together
to create designs. They are sprayed with water to fix them.

The company yesterday ordered a nationwide recall of the
Chinese-made product, saying a chemical had been substituted
without the company’s knowledge. The toy contains beads that have
been found to contain a chemical that the body metabolises into
gamma-hydroxy butyrate (GHB), also known as "grievous bodily harm".
It should instead contain a non-toxic glue.

The Chinese give us lead but give the Australians ecstasy.  They must still be holding that whole Taiwan thing against us.

Ultimate Nightmare

I came across a blog called Acid Test (found via Blog on the Run) that posted what is supposedly an excerpt from a Peace Corps training manual.  It details how to respond to being attacked by an anaconda.  To wit:

“Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake
species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs
300 to 400 pounds.

  • 1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
  • 2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.
  • 3. Tuck your chin in.
  • 4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.
  • 5. Do not panic.
  • 6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you
    from the feet end – always from the feet end. Permit the snake to
    swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!
  • 7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
  • 8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little
    movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide
    it into the side of the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and
    your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake’s head.
  • 9. Be sure you have your knife.
  • 10. Be sure your knife is sharp.”

Have fun sleeping tonight.

Hey Daddy!

So on Saturday I land in Charlotte after a 9 1/2 hour flight from Germany.  I clear customs without a hitch, get my checked luggage and before I know it I’m in my car heading north on I-77 to Statesville to meet my family at a hot air balloon festival.  I’m low on gas so I stop to tank up and as I stand next to my car I hear a man say "Hey Daddy!" and I look around to find a guy in his 50’s and obviously down on his luck approaching me.  In one hand he has a plastic grocery back full of something and in the other he has what looks like a laptop case.

"Hey daddy", he says again and follows with, "you about a 40?"

"Huh?", I reply.

"You got about a 40 inch waist?", he asks.

"Uh, yeah I guess about that", I say more than a little warily.

"I got some boxers that’d look real nice on you and I give ’em to you cheap", he says.  I notice that he’s missing a front tooth but his other teeth look really healthy and white.  It looks like he brushes pretty regularly which is a change from most of the people who have tried to hustle me in the past.

"Uh, no thanks I have plenty of boxers," I tell him.

"They’re real cheap man, just $3," he says.

"No really I don’t need ’em," I insist.

"Okay, I’ll throw in a watch and it will still only be $3."

"No thanks," I say, a little annoyance creeping into my voice.  I’m tired and I just want to go see my family and I don’t feel like messing with this guy.  Forget that he’s probably having the kind of day that makes a 9 1/2 hour flight seem like nothing.  Hell, they fed me twice on the plane and this guy may not have had a square meal all day.  That’s not on my mind though because I’m tired and I’m only thinking about seeing Celeste and the kids.

"No offense man, I’m just trying to hustle for some money, okay Daddy?"

"No problem, I’m just not interested."

"Okay daddy," he says and then moves to the next pump where another car has just pulled in. 

"Hey daddy, what you got about a 50 inch waist?  I got some boxers that’d look real good on you and they’re only $3."

After I got back on 77 I thought about two things; I should have slipped the guy a couple of bucks and I should have told him that it’s not an effective sales technique to remind middle-aged guys how fat they’ve gotten.  I feel bad that I didn’t do either.

Oh the Humanity! 50,000 Worms Roasted by the State of NC

According to this story on the JournalNow site, some eco-friendly types at the NC State Legislative building were trying to use 50,000 red wiggler worms "to eat
one-quarter of the cafeteria leftovers and excrete waste would be
collected as compost for fertilizing plants, grass and other items
around the Legislative Building, where the General Assembly meets."  Unfortunately the bin containing the worm operation had an inside temperature that exceeded 100 degrees fahrenheit, effectively cooking the worms.

Further the article states the following:

Rosa believes the
high temperatures occurred because the material in which the worms
lived inside the bin still contained organic materials that could be
broken down by microorganisms in the food waste. That activity produces
heat.

The temperature rose further when workers shifted the pile around to try to get air in the bin.

"That’s how we have
to look at it, as a learning experience," said Tony Goldman, the
building’s administrative services director. Hopefully, he added,
"we’ve learned enough not to have it happen again."

Goldman intends
Thursday to bring in another batch of worms – about half the previous
amount – and start the process again. The first batch of worms cost
$400, while the bin was about $5,000.

Senate leader Marc
Basnight, D-Dare, asked administrators to test using worms instead of
shipping 250 pounds of waste weekly to an outside compost operation as
a way to save money and promote conservation at the Legislative
Building.

Unfortunately none of the reporters asked what seems to me to be two obvious follow up questions:

  • Is the state charging itself with eco-terrorism?
  • Has anyone ordered a copy of How to Eat Fried Worms?
  • What’s for lunch tomorrow in the cafeteria?

Lourdes Help Us

I’m not sure what I find weirdest about this story:

  • The Vatican has started an air service, right now just one 737 painted in "yellow-and-white papal livery", offering flights to Lourdes from Rome. They hope to expand service to "Fatima in Portugal, Santiago de Compostela in Spain, and possibly even Jerusalem."  Too bad "Virgin Air" was already taken, huh?
  • The in flight refreshment was swordfish  canapes.  What, no peanuts?
  • French officials wouldn’t let some of the holy flyers keep their holy water for the return trip, forcing them to abandon their "plastic containers in the shape of the Madonna."  Apparently the plastic Madonna’s held more than the allowable 100ml. One man decided to drink his holy water rather than leave it with security.
  • The water from the Lourdes spring is so valuable that it will cost you £64 for a litre.

I wonder how Catholics around the world are feeling about their contributions to the collection plate these days?

This Ain’t Charlotte’s Web

Spiderswebtexas
Texas, home to worthless professional football teams (Dallas Cowgirls) and second-tier BBQ, is also home to one gigantic spider web:

If you hate creepy-crawlies, you might want to avoid Lake Tawakoni
State Park where a 200-yard stretch along a nature trail has been
blanketed by a sprawling spider web that has engulfed seven large
trees, dozens of bushes and even the weedy ground.

But if you hate mosquitoes, you might just love this bizarre web.

"At
first, it was so white it looked like fairyland," said park
superintendent Donna Garde. "Now it’s filled with so many mosquitoes
that it’s turned a little brown. There are times you can literally hear
the screech of millions of mosquitoes caught in those webs."

Oh, how I’d love to hear the harmonic screech of millions of mosquitoes.  Sounds to me like Texas-style justice for the little bloodsuckers.  The only thing better would be to hear similar screeching from the Cowgirls as the Redskins crush them on November 18 and December 30.