Author Archives: Jon Lowder

Michael the Adult

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Each year I try to write a little something on each of my kids' birthday.  This year I'm kind of at a loss because the oldest, Michael, turns 18 today and that means that as far as the law is concerned he's an adult. An a-d-u-l-t.  What the hell happened to the last 18 years?

Whatever.  One of the reasons those 18 years have been such a blur is that time flies when you're having fun, and Michael definitely keeps things fun.  Whether it's imitations of his teachers (God help our schools if he's even remotely close to being accurate) or verbatim scene reenactments from Monty Python, the kid's a natural comedian.  Some day he may take his parents' advice and pursue his natural talent, but he's just as likely to do something totally unexpected.  He has a tendency to think for himself and do what he thinks is best, much to our frustration, but it's gotten him this far so who am I to second guess? Oh right, I'm his Dad and it kind of comes with the job description.

Right now Michael's trying to figure out how he's going to survive a senior year with a brutal AP schedule while figuring out which college he wants to attend and also keeping his skills sharp on Xbox Live.  I'm telling you life's much more complicated these days, what with figuring out AP science by day while playing Call of Duty against some ringer from the Ukraine at night. In my day we circled around the Atari and watched our buddies play Asteroids.  Ah, simpler times. But I digress.

Whatever he decides to do Michael will be good at it.  He's an amazing young man (I can't write kid anymore) and he has a heart of gold.  Hopefully whatever he decides to do won't take him too far from home and, whatever it is, it will make him as happy as he's made his Old Man and his Old Man's better half.

Happy Birthday Big Michael.

MichaelSpring10 

Michael before the prom last spring

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Michael enjoying our house painting

 Michael9YearsOld 

9-year-old Michael with his Mom and sister climbing the Grand Tetons.

MichaelWarholized
  

Found on Flickr: Warholized Michael (I think he was fourteen)

My Kids Have Been Right All Along: Parents are Stupid

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From NPR:

Why such a big discrepancy between worries and reality? Barnes says parents fixate on rare events because they internalize horrific stories they hear on the news or from a friend without stopping to think about the odds the same thing could happen to their children…

So, what’s a worried parent to do? Barnes has a simple prescription: helmets and seatbelts. Yup, that’s right, helmetsand seatbelts. "I know it sounds boring," she says, but according to her research, making kids wear protective gear and buckle up in the car cuts kids' chances of death by 90 percent and their chances of serious injury by 78 percent. 

You should read the article to see the top five worries parents have, the top five actual hazards to children and the discrepancy between them. 

For the record I encouraged my children to eat things they dropped on the floor even if it took longer than five seconds to pick it up, to draw outside the lines and that making your bed is overrated.  I also encouraged them to watch PG-13 movies when they were 12 1/2.  On the other hand I've told my 16 year old daughter that all boys carry fatal diseases and that there's literally not a good one to be found on the face of the Earth.  

That's my definition of responsible parenting, what's yours?

My Hero

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When our kids were little they screamed all the time and when they screamed in restaurants or stores we'd get them to hush or take them outside to keep from annoying the other patrons.  We'd also use the opportunity to give them some in-depth instruction as to why screaming in a restaurant wasn't cool with us.  You can imagine that it annoys me to no end when other parents don't do the same, but sit there and let their kids rant and rave and run around like a bunch of banshees.  Having suffered through more of those little heathens' behavior than I care to remember I read this story and almost jumped out of my chair while screaming YESSSSSS!

The owner of a coastal restaurant is fed up with screaming children who bother other diners.

So Brenda Armes has posted signs at Olde Salty restaurant in Carolina Beach that read "Screaming children will not be tolerated." She told WECT-TV in Wilmington that the signs have worked by attracting more customers than they turn away…

If a child is screaming, Armes says, a restaurant employee will ask the parent to take the child outside. The child won't be asked to leave the restaurant for good.

His panhandling sign read: “Too ugly to prostitute. Spare some change.”

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What happens when you give panhandlers AmEx gift cards with $50 or $75 on them?

Over the past two weeks, I wandered Toronto’s downtown core with five prepaid Visa and MasterCard gift cards, in $50 and $75 denominations, waiting for people to ask for money.

 When they did, I asked them what they needed. A meal at a restaurant, groceries, a new pair of pants, they said. I handed out the cards and asked that they give them back when they’d finished shopping. I either waited at a coffee shop while they shopped or — in the case of those who could not buy what they needed nearby or were reticent about leaving their panhandling post — I said I’d return on another day to pick up the card. That’s when I would reveal that I was a journalist.

Some were unbelieving at first. All were grateful. Some declined the offer. Some who accepted didn’t come back, but those that did had stories to tell.

FYI, the headline of this post is a quote from the article.

Why are Residents of Charlotte Behaving Like Floridians?

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From the article:

The woman allegedly punched her husband in the face breaking his nose and causing injury to his eye.

Police said she then jumped out of the truck and walked away naked.  They say she later broke into the school which set off all kinds of alarms. 

The 58-year old woman is now in jail for assaulting her husband and claims she doesn't know how she ended up in the school naked. 

Only in Charlotte.

First Those Crazy Walking Catfish, and Now This

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Having spent roughly 30 years of my life living near the Potomac River I've spent many a day boating and swimming on the river.  (Side note: I've never owned a boat in my life and am a firm believer that boating is best enjoyed when someone else's boat is involved).  I'm having serious doubts about ever swimming in it again for two very good reasons: the presence of the Snakehead, a catfish that can literally walk across land and has rather large teeth, and the fact that an eight-foot bull shark has been caught in the river.   

If you need me you'll find me by the pool.

Smitty Gets AARPed

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I remember clearly the day my mother, who was in her 40s at the time, received her first mailing from AARP.  Let's just say she was none too pleased to be considered in the geriatric demographic.  I thought of that when I read this article about Smitty in Boom!  It's a very complimentary article, but being in your 40s and having your profile appear in a regular feature titled "Fifty & Fabulous" has to be a little disconcerting.

Moravian Potters

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From today's New York Times:

In North Carolina, 18th-century immigrant potters developed signature styles. Quakers from England preferred sunburst motifs on red backgrounds, while German Lutherans and Calvinists specialized in polka dots and stripes on black vessels. Moravians from Bohemia molded green flasks in turtle and owl forms and painted pomegranates and lilies to symbolize Jesus’ wounds and rebirth.

The products were all made near Greensboro. When they are shown together, “it’s going to be such a flood of pattern and color,” said Robert Hunter, a curator of “Art in Clay: Masterworks of North Carolina Earthenware,” now at the Milwaukee Art Museum…

About half of the 120 pieces are loans from Old Salem Museums and Gardens in Winston-Salem, N.C., near the sites of Moravian workshops.