Some Czech pranksters were able to sneak a fake video of a mushroom cloud in the state television station’s weather video. Here it is on YouTube (found via BoingBoing):
Those Crazy Czechs
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Category Archives: Funny Stuff
The People in Black and White Clothes
About once every couple of months some Mormon missionaries stop by the house to check in on me. We were Mormons when I was a kid, until my folks were divorced in the mid-70s, and the church never removed me from its database. For some reason they don’t chase down my brother, but they’ve been knocking on my door every where I’ve lived since college. Last week they stopped by while I was out and our 11 year old son left a note on the fridge (pictured at left, click on it for a full view). For those who can’t read his writing it says, “The people in black and white clothes stopped by and asked to see Dad — Justin.” Luckily I figured out that there weren’t Mennonites, priests or undertakers knocking on doors in the neighborhood.
Fashion Forward: Toenail Necklace
I’ve always thought that anyone who runs more than 5-7 miles at a clip is slightly off, and my theory is that the more miles a person runs at a time the off-er they are. Thus it isn’t surprising to me that the person who came up with the concept of the ceremonial toenail necklace made out of toenails lost during long runs is an ultramarathon runner.
That’s just gross.
News Flash: We Boys are Crotch Watchers
I know you ladies will find this shocking, but there’s now some proof that most men won’t look you in the eyes when they’re talking to you. In 2005 two researchers did an eyetracking study on 255 people, or in other words they tracked where people looked on a screen when browsing the web, and came up with some interesting info. The full article is here, but for our purposes we’ll concentrate on this part:
When photos do contain people related to the task at hand, or the
content users are exploring, they do get fixations. However, gender
makes a distinct difference on what parts of the photo are stared at
the longest. Take a look at the hotspot below.Although both men
and women look at the image of George Brett when directed to find out
information about his sport and position, men tend to focus on private
anatomy as well as the face. For the women, the face is the only place
they viewed.This
image of George Brett was part of a larger page with his biographical
information. All users tested looked the image, but there was a
distinct difference in focus between men and women.Coyne adds
that this difference doesn’t just occur with images of people. Men tend
to fixate more on areas of private anatomy on animals as well, as
evidenced when users were directed to browse the American Kennel Club
site.
We really are a bunch of dogs.
Found via Boing Boing.
Fec’s VFD Political Theory
My buddy Fec has his own theory about the "electability" of our current dozens of candidates for POTUS. Boiled down all he’s saying is that if you can’t be elected to the local volunteer fire department you can’t be elected POTUS. Here’s his rundown of the current candidates:
John Edwards – not a chance.
Hillary Clinton – sorry, no women allowed.
Barak Obama – sorry, no blacks allowed.
Al Gore – too fat.
Joe Biden – too stupid.
John McCain – vets are an automatic. Besides, he’s been around.
Newt Gingrich – too geeky.
Mitt Romney – sorry, no Mormons.
Bill Richardson – sorry, no wetbacks.
Chris Dodd – sorry, too old.
Dennis Kucinich – too boring.
Duncan Hunter – lead pipe cinch.
Mike Huckabee – a fiscal conservative from Arkansas. Yeah, he’s in.
Tom Tancredo – Good on his feet. He’s in.
Rudy Giuliani – are you kidding me? The guys are soiling themselves at the prospect.
I think Fec’s on to something, and I’ll take his opinion over Russert’s any day.
Personal “Massage” Device Sales Set to Take Off in Alabama
A court has upheld a ban on selling adult toys in Alabama. Quick note: I’m trying to avoid using a three letter word that begins with "s" and ends with "x" because you don’t want to know what kind of links I get when I use it. Here’s the story from Boing Boing:
Damnit, I ended up using the word anyway. More about this story can be found at the American Constitutional Society blog. The ACS blog points out that the law doesn’t prohibit the possession or use of these devices. My question for the obviously repressed leaders of Alabama is this: how do you discern the difference between a neck massager and a vibrator?
So they’re Double-Ds muscle-wise?
We’re having dinner last night and my daughter is telling us about
a girl at school who is really muscular. The following exchange
occured:
Daughter (13 years old, seventh grade): "So,
like this girl bends over to tie her shoes, and like, her muscles
bulge out. They’re like, huge! And this boy, he like
looks over and like says ‘Man your muscles are huge.’ And the girl
says, like, ‘Stop it you’re embarassing me’."
Youngest Son (10 years old, fifth grade):
"So they’re Double-Ds muscle-wise?"
Entire family (Dad-40 going on 100, Mom-Age not
defined out of sheer self preservation, Brother-14, 8th grade and
aforementioned sister): Moment of shocked silence followed by
uproarious laughter. Then almost simultaneously all four ask,
"You know what Double-Ds are?"
Fifth grade son: Turns eight shades of red and
nods his head.
Dad (now going on 120): "So what are they?"
Fifth grade son: "You know…boobs."
Fade to black for childhood, or parental, innocence.
Job Offer!!
Somehow the email I’m copying below made it through my spam filter. I share it because it openly, one could say even enthusiastically, invites me and the million other people it targeted to join them in being an international scumbag. It also purports to be from the chairman of a major investment firm in Singapore. Actually it looks like an investment firm tied directly to the government in Singapore. Really in terms of spam it’s a nice change of pace from all the stuff that’s supposed to put hair back on my head and give me a renewed sexual vigor. Here it is:
From: notice01@optonline.net
Subject: JOB OFFER!!From The Desk Of
Mr Lim Siong Guan Chairman,
EDB (Chairman of the Board)
250 North Bridge Road
#28-00 Raffles City Tower
Singapore 179101.
Date; 9th /Feb/ 2007EDB CO LTD SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN OPENING
OF NEW OUTLETS IN YOUR LOCALITY.
Dear Friend,This email comes to
you from the desk of Mr Lim Siong Guan chairman EDB SEMICONDUCTOR COMPANY
LIMITED based in Singapore.EDB is a Global manufactural of Gray market goods,and
this are items manufactured abroad and imported into the US without the consent
of the trademark holder. Examples of such goods are REFRIGERATORS of all
kinds,Electronics and Home Appliances.We import this products into the
World Trade Market at large and due to the high demands of our products , we
have been able to acquire outlets all over Europe,Asia and America where our
products can be bought. And as at today, there are 10 EDB companies in
Singapore, including its Asia-Pacific headquarters and eight manufacturing
companies in various sectors, ranging from refrigerator compressors to consumer
electronics to advanced displays and semiconductors.Due to the high
rate of sucess in the last fiscal year of trading in the United States and
Canada,we have deceided to embark on major expansion plan in these Countries
even as the global economy is showing optimistic signs of pick-up.We intend
doing this by wanting to open new outlets where our products can be bought from.This idea of more outlets is making us to contact you today to know if
you would be able to perform the following task for us which are listed below
1
Helping in the sales of our products to willing customers that are wanting to
buy.
2 Receiving payments from customers by all means of payment method that
is available, and one that suits their convinent at that point in time. We want
to bring to your notice that this position does not require any relevant
experience and it is best suited for all{ graduates, professionals and non
graduates}.If you deem you are fit enough for this job,we would want
you to supply or furnish us with the following information via email
1 Your
Full Name As It Would Appear On Your Letter Of Appointment
2 Your Contact
Address
3 Telephone Number { Both Home And Mobile} / Fax
4 Your Present
Occupation
5 Lastly,we would want to know if you have any form of
dis-abilityNote that if we eventually deem you fit for this
position,you would be placed on a 10% commision for each sales and any amount
you help receive from customers.Thank you so very much for having the
patient and time to read this email.We look forward to hearing from you.Wishing you a Blissful day,
Mr.Lim Siong Guan,
Chairman,
EDB
SEMICONDUCTOR.
officeoflimguan@yahoo.com
Really it’s a thing of beauty don’t you think?
PC Crackers
Over at Hogg’s Blog the Hogg shares a little something from his friend in Kentucky:
Just keeping you posted so you will not embarrass yourself.
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
those of us in Northern Alabama, North Georgia, Tennessee, North
Carolina, Western South Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, and Kentucky
will no longer be referred to as “Hillbillies.” You must now refer to
us as “Appalachian-Americans”.Thank you.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got possums to fry.
Much debate ensued in the comments about the proper technique for preparing possum.
Upon further inspection I was probably wrong in using the title "PC Cracker" since hillbilly seems to be a more specific derogatory description of white folks than either redneck or cracker. From Wikipedia:
Hillbilly is a term referring to people who dwell in remote, rural, mountainous areas. In particular the term refers to residents of Appalachia and later the Ozarks in the United States.
Usage of the term "Hillbilly" generally differs from other terms
referring to rural people in the United States in that it can be used
for mountain dwelling people anywhere but is generally not used to
refer to rural people in non-mountainous areas. While terms like redneck and cracker
often connote rejection of, or resistance to, assimilation into the
dominant culture, theoretically hillbillies are merely isolated from
the dominant culture. Nevertheless, the term is sometimes considered derogatory depending on the context in which it is used or the attitude of the target.
That last sentence cracks me up. When have you ever heard the term hillbilly used in a fashion that wasn’t derogatory? And what does it say when you type "hillbilly" into Google and the image below is one of the three that appears at the top of the search results?
Stupid Lawyers. Oxymoron?
I recently stumbled upon a cool new web service called Stumble Upon (hat tip to Sean Coon for pointing it out) which is a little browser tool you can download and use for free. Here’s how it’s described by BBCWorld:
"Stumbleupon is a brilliant downloadable toolbar that beds into your browser and
gives you the chance to surf through thousands of excellent pages that have been
stumbled upon by other web-users"
So I was using my little new procrastinating tool and I found this page of funny quotes from courtroom transcripts. Here’s a small sample, but then you really should check out the whole thing:
Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
collision?"
and,
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
and,
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
that picture."
Witness: "That’s me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
and,
Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."
and,
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
and,
Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
Witness: "She is my daughter."
Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"
and finally,
Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and
doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?"
Befuddled 