The folks at The Onion are geniuses.  Exhibit A is this piece entitled "New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths."  An excerpt:

According to Dr. Leonard Mateo, a developmental psychologist at the
University of Minnesota and lead author of the study, most adults are
completely unaware that they could be living among callous monsters who
would remorselessly exploit them to obtain something as insignificant
as an ice cream cone or a new toy.

"The most disturbing facet of this ubiquitous childhood disorder is
an utter lack of empathy," Mateo said. "These people—if you can even
call them that—deliberately violate every social norm without ever
pausing to consider how their selfish behavior might affect others.
It's as if they have no concept of anyone but themselves."

"The depths of depravity that these tiny psychopaths are capable of reaching are really quite chilling," Mateo added.