Yearly Archives: 2007

My Kids Let Me Down

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I’ve toiled for years on this blog and quite honestly my kids NEVER read it.  While some might argue that’s a good thing considering how I write and what I often write about, it’s still a bummer when the only time they ackowledge my blog is when they tell their friends in derisive tones that “my dad’s probably going to blog about this” and utter the word blog as if they’re trying to violently expel a loogie.

Little do they know that their future might hang on this darn thing.  You see the grand plan is to work on this tribute to trivianalia (I think I’ve just coined a new word) until some publisher or producer notices it and offers me a mega-signing bonus to produce something gloriously stupid for them.  Said signing bonus will keep us out of the poor house as we swim against the rising tide of costs related to orthodonture, healthcare and wardrobe accessories.

The problem with my plan is exposure, or lack there of.  We need people to see this thing in order for me to get my big break and wouldn’t you know it there’s a PR bonanza to be had if only the kids would pay attention.  The Bloggers Choice Awards is soliciting nominations and votes for blogs in an amazing number of categories and while this blog really doesn’t qualify for any of them my kids could have at least gotten me in the door for “Hottest Daddy Blogger“.  I know what you’re thinking: doesn’t “hottest daddy” imply that one has to be, well, hot?  My reply is that “hot” is subjective and if you look at some of the leading vote getters in the category you’ll have to agree.

Anyway, I’m thinking that the kids should have nominated me and then recruited their friends to stuff the ballot box.  I mean if they truly want a future with straight teeth and clothes manufactured in the 21st century they need to get on the ball, right?  I’m not thinking I’ll get a call from GQ or anything, but I figure it’s only a short amount of time before they come up with a reality show called “Extreme Makeover: Homely Middle Aged Guy Edition” and when they do I’ll be a lock.  I’ll use the exposure from my appearance on that inevitable TV crap to springboard me to worthless celebrity and unearned lucre.

If the kids do nominate me I’ll put up a gallery of pictures displaying my “hotness”.  I’m thinking I could corner the market on sympathy votes based on the following samples:

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CatWoman

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Until recently one of our neighbors had about 10 cats, all living outside, none neutered and of course they were multiplying.  Some of the other neighbors complained about them and the county sent a letter saying if the cats weren’t taken care of (i.e. kept under control and spayed/neutered) that he’d be fined and the cats hauled off to the shelter.

I can only imagine what the county would do if they were dealing with the woman in Siberia who has 130 cats living in her two room apartment.  I’ll tell you this, after watching the video below I’d seriously consider sending in animal control AND someone from the psych department.  This is just plain creepy:

Know Any Good Chiropractors in Winston-Salem?

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Michaelfroshbookbags
Our kids went back to school yesterday (an event that should be recognized as a national holiday for all adults) and the oldest, Michael, had his first day of high school.  Celeste and I both went with him to his open house last week and we both realized that our boy was going to be hoofing it all day to get from class to class.  His school is a weird mish-mash of eleven buildings connected by covered walkways and he has five minutes to get from one building to another since none of his classes are in the same building on consecutive periods.  That means that he realistically has no chance of using his locker except maybe at lunch, which means that he has to carry all of his books with him.

Unfortunately each and every teacher is requiring Michael to carry a separate notebook in addition to his textbooks.  Surprise, surprise they don’t all fit in his backpack.  Yesterday he observed that many upperclassmen at his school carried second bags so when he got home yesterday he asked if he could get one.  Celeste went out and found him the kind of bag he requested so now he is fully armed and loaded.  The result is the picture you see at the top of this post.

During the open house Michael’s teachers all informed us that he will have homework every night which means he has to drag all this stuff home every day on the bus.  By my calculations he’s going to have that load on his back for about 45 minutes every day, minimum.  The positive spin on this is that he’s getting a workout every day, while the negative spin is that he’s going to likely become familiar with the best bone cracker we can find in Winston-Salem. 

Winston-Salem Home Boy Named One of 50 Hottest on Capitol Hill

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Jeffeinenhauerburr
Every summer The Hill publishes a list of the 50 hottest folks on Capitol Hill.  This year a dude from Winston-Salem was selected and it wasn’t that other W-S native Sen. Burr.  He’s Jeff Eisenhauer (pictured to the left) and here’s what the staff at The Hill wrote about him:

Jeff Eisenhauer
 Age: 26
  Political Party: Republican
  Hometown: Winston-Salem, N.C.
  Dating status: In a relationship

A few years ago in Tanzania, Jeff Eisenhauer was mugged on his way to watch a Super Bowl broadcast.

He
handed the attackers his bag, which contained a pair of shoes, and
survived the incident unscathed. Upon reflection, Eisenhauer said he
probably shouldn’t have been walking through such a tough part of town,
dismissing the move as “macho.” Still, the previous year, locals in his neighborhood had tuned into arm-wrestling instead of the Super Bowl and he needed a football fix.

Eisenhauer
is chock-full of interesting stories about his time as an environmental
volunteer for the Peace Corps, which he called the “best two years of
his life.”

Following his return from Africa a year ago, the
6-foot-1, tanned, surferesque Republican started work as the mail
manager for Sen. Richard Burr (R-N.C.). The lawmaker and Eisenhauer
both hail from Winston-Salem.

Eisenhauer enjoys hitting the gym, rock climbing, watching soccer and attending concerts.

Though
he’s currently taken, Eisenhauer said he likes “a girl who’s open to
trying new things [and is] adventurous, easy going, likes to laugh.”

The floppy-haired blonde is not sure what is his best feature, but he thinks he knows his worst.

“I know it’s not the gap in my teeth,” Eisenhauer said. “I got made fun of all my life [for it].”

 

– By Kelly McCormack
 

 

links for 2007-08-26

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Maybe That Tattoo Isn’t So Bad After All

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Grossdude
Upset that your daughter just got her belly button pierced or that your son thought one of those vine tattoos going up his neck to his ear would be cool?  Just remember that it could be worse.  The picture at left is from a Boing Boing post about people with extreme body modifications.  Personally I think that’s gross with a capital "G" but to each his own.

Here’s a related yet totally random piece of info from the teen set.  We (two geezer parents over 40) recently learned that the tattoos that many girls have in the small of their backs are being referred to as "Tramp Stamps."  Man, I’m getting old.