My Kids Let Me Down

I’ve toiled for years on this blog and quite honestly my kids NEVER read it.  While some might argue that’s a good thing considering how I write and what I often write about, it’s still a bummer when the only time they ackowledge my blog is when they tell their friends in derisive tones that “my dad’s probably going to blog about this” and utter the word blog as if they’re trying to violently expel a loogie.

Little do they know that their future might hang on this darn thing.  You see the grand plan is to work on this tribute to trivianalia (I think I’ve just coined a new word) until some publisher or producer notices it and offers me a mega-signing bonus to produce something gloriously stupid for them.  Said signing bonus will keep us out of the poor house as we swim against the rising tide of costs related to orthodonture, healthcare and wardrobe accessories.

The problem with my plan is exposure, or lack there of.  We need people to see this thing in order for me to get my big break and wouldn’t you know it there’s a PR bonanza to be had if only the kids would pay attention.  The Bloggers Choice Awards is soliciting nominations and votes for blogs in an amazing number of categories and while this blog really doesn’t qualify for any of them my kids could have at least gotten me in the door for “Hottest Daddy Blogger“.  I know what you’re thinking: doesn’t “hottest daddy” imply that one has to be, well, hot?  My reply is that “hot” is subjective and if you look at some of the leading vote getters in the category you’ll have to agree.

Anyway, I’m thinking that the kids should have nominated me and then recruited their friends to stuff the ballot box.  I mean if they truly want a future with straight teeth and clothes manufactured in the 21st century they need to get on the ball, right?  I’m not thinking I’ll get a call from GQ or anything, but I figure it’s only a short amount of time before they come up with a reality show called “Extreme Makeover: Homely Middle Aged Guy Edition” and when they do I’ll be a lock.  I’ll use the exposure from my appearance on that inevitable TV crap to springboard me to worthless celebrity and unearned lucre.

If the kids do nominate me I’ll put up a gallery of pictures displaying my “hotness”.  I’m thinking I could corner the market on sympathy votes based on the following samples:

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