Tag Archives: beer

Meet the Ultimate Beer Bureaucrat

Who knew? If you want to sell beer in the US you have to get the label approved by one guy:

Any brewery that wants to market its wares in this country needs to get it through Kent “Battle” Martin, giving the federal official extraordinary power. With only vague regulations outlining what is and isn’t permissible, he approves beer bottles and labels for the Tax and Trade Bureau, or TTB, a section of the Treasury Department…

This year, Battle has singlehandedly approved over 29,500 beer labels, the only fact his press handler would provide…

Most government departments are nebulous and anonymous. But because of the sheer volume of his interactions with brewers, Battle has become a symbol for the TTB’s nonsensical rules…

Battle has rejected a beer label for the King of Hearts, which had a playing card image on it, because the heart implied that the beer would have a health benefit.

He rejected a beer label featuring a painting called The Conversion of Paula By Saint Jerome because its name, St. Paula’s Liquid Wisdom, contained a medical claim—that the beer would grant wisdom.

He rejected a beer called Pickled Santa because Santa’s eyes were too “googly” on the label, and labels cannot advertise the physical effects of alcohol. (A less googly-eyed Santa was later approved.)

Beer Money

When I was attending college back in the '80s I had lots of friends who – how can I put this charitably – wrote papers that made me wonder if they'd been smoking crack for six weeks solid.  I just read a robo-comment spam on another post that reminded me of reading those papers and wondering how my friends could possibly believe that a six pack of beer was adequate compensation for helping them.  Here's the comment:

In order to purpose concerning trust, and provide any reasoned (and reason-responsive) security regarding trust as a possible added sounding opinion worthy of specific thought, Now i'm desperate to enjoy. My partner and i undoubtedly offer the particular lifestyle with the sensation regarding trust; just what I must notice can be a reasoned soil when planning on taking trust significantly as an easy way to getting for the fact, rather than, point out, merely as an easy way folks ease and comfort by themselves and also the other person (a worthwhile operate that we carry out acquire seriously). Yet you must not assume myself to be able to go with the protection regarding trust being a way to fact when with virtually any level an individual interest ab muscles dispensation you might be apparently wanting to rationalize. Prior to deciding to interest trust any time purpose provides an individual guaranteed in to a nook, think of whether or not an individual genuinely wish to get away from purpose any time purpose will be working for you.

Seriously, one guy showed up at my dorm room at 10 p.m. with a four page paper devoid of paragraphs or punctuation and asked me if I could help him get it in final draft form in time for his 7:30 a.m. class the next morning.  I got a case for that one.