Wannabe Congressional Spam

I received an email from “Blake for Congress” on April 24.  I didn’t know I received it because I’m just now getting around to cleaning out my email after my long trip to Orlando.  What bugs me about this email is:

  1. It made it through my gmail spam filter.
  2. I don’t live in Blake’s district (the 6th).
  3. They’ve invited me to host a tea or barbeque to introduce Rory to my friends.  Why would I willingly invite a politician into my home…I don’t think I could buy enough disinfectant to undo the damage.
  4. They use the pronouns “we” and “our” a lot, which implies I’m somehow part of their team.  Here’s an example: “Volunteer to Help. Rory isn’t going to win this election. We are going to win this election.
    Sign up to help. This is our year.
    We will do this…
    Remember, this is our year. We will do this.” I hate the use of the presumptive sale, especially with something like this.  Did they mean to sound like an Amway salesman or was it just an unfortunate consequence of their incredibly lame copywriting skills?

If this is the best they can do I don’t give this guy much of a chance against his opponent. 

Stuff, Lots and Lots of Stuff

Having taken a rather long reading and writing sabbatical due to a very busy work schedule I haven’t had the chance to keep up with much of what’s going on in the world or to share some goings-on from my teenie little corner of the universe.  So I have a few observations to share:

We Americans can be some goofy MFers.  I mean this whole brouhaha about the Star Spangled Banner being sung in Spanish is really kind of funny.  After all as far back as 1919 it was done in Spanish and the State Department currently has four Spanish versions on its website. Oh and in 1861 it was translated into German and into Yiddish in 1947.  But forget that, does singing it in Spanish, or any other language for that matter, change its meaning?

Of course the roots of this are in the debate about immigrants making the effort to assimilate into the "English" speaking culture of America.  I agree that the effort needs to be made, but we need to keep in mind that this problem is as old as America.  First generation Italian immigrants went throught the same process a couple of generations back and what happened?  Their children all spoke English because they needed to in order to succeed.  I can almost guarantee the same will happen with the current wave of Hispanic immigrants.

And what about this whole oil thing?  Are we dense or just stupid? Gas is expensive now and everyone is jumping on some kind of reactionary bandwagon.  Windfall taxes?  So you want to penalize someone for doing their job and that will fix things how?  Will it reduce the price of gas?  Doubt it.  Will it make someone look good for the election?  Maybe, but I doubt it.  We Americans may be goofy but we can spot a pandering a-hole from a mile away.

Finally, the recent issue about American students not being able to find Louisiana is such a non-news item.  American students have always been bad with geography and just because a state was almost wiped from the map doesn’t mean they will know where it is.  Just watch Leno’s man-on-the-street items and you’ll see all the evidence you need.

If Disney World is any indication we Americans can be an incredibly lazy lot.  While I was visiting various Disney properties with the family earlier this week I noticed that lots of people who were perfectly capable of walking were renting those little electric scooter things.  I literally saw whole groups of people convoying on those things and I swear there were scooter jams all over the place.  Mix them with the strollers and legitimate wheelchairs and you had more traffic than the DC beltway.  No wonder we’re much less healthy than the British even though we spend more on healthcare than they do.

Working with unions sucks.  I was in Disney working a conference last week and as a result I was interacting on a limited basis with some union folks and I have to tell you that I find them harder to give instruction to than my pre-teens.  I mean if you don’t give these folks explicit instructions they can’t, or won’t, tie their own shoes.  I’d rather deal with middle-schoolers and those little monsters scare the bejeesus out of me.  Next year the conference will be in New York so I’m betting I’m gonna have all kinds of fun.

And before you accuse me of basing my opinion on a sole occurence I have to tell you that I had similar experiences at conferences in Chicago and Boston and in my earlier life I regularly worked with members of the postal workers’ unions.  The members themselves weren’t all bad, but they were a pain in the ass to deal with because of the union rules they had to follow.  Basically they can’t think for themselves and that’s antithetical to good business.

Sleeping in a hotel for 10 days sucks.  I don’t care how nice (or not) a room is, there’s nothing good about staying there 1 1/2 weeks.  I was never happier to get home than after my business trip/family vacation to Disney.

After being cut off from my online reading for a couple of weeks I now realize how much cool crap I find via blogs. Here’s just a few items I found in less than 10 minutes of reading my blog reader:

I’m sure there’s a lot more there, but I haven’t had time to find it and that ought to do it for this post.

Work Then Play

Well, I’m officially coming off my longest break since starting this ol’ blog.  Last week was my client’s annual conference and I was responsible for the exhibit hall which meant I was responsible for all things related to the 50+ exhibitors and sponsors.  It was really my first time managing an exhibit/sponsor operation of this scale from end-to-end (I’ve done the sales side but not the logistics side before) and I have to send a big shout out to Michael Ferenc at Freeman Company who really helped me out.  If he hadn’t done such a good job my life would have been hell.  As it was I was literally buried for the last month and I’m just now coming up for air.

The conference was held at the Disney Coronado Springs resort so I had Celeste and the family fly down on Friday (my work ended on Saturday afternoon) and we did four Disney parks on Sunday and Monday.  Sunday was Animal Kingdom and Epcot and Monday was MGM and Magic Kingdom.  I turned off the phone and didn’t boot up the computer after Saturday so it was a great catch-up time with the family.  I’m sure I’ll have lots to write about but for now here’s a pic of everyone at Animal Kingdom:

P1010037_1

Holy Crap, I’m in First

Forkballfirstcropped
This is very uncomfortable territory for me:  I’m in first place in Forkball, the fantasy baseball league in which I participate.  I haven’t sniffed anything near first in years so pardon me if I revel in my glory before I plummet to my usual, comfortable little corner in the basement.

As an aside I must say that any activity/hobby that causes me to utter the sentence "Man, with a WHIP like that my staff must really be doing something right" precludes me from ridiculing other peoples’ silly hobbies.  You know, things like birding, being a Civil War reenactor, or Trekie, or heaven forbid, a bottle collector.

A Red State in More Ways Than One

============================================

The state building codes in the United States tend to vary quite a bit, many rules changing a lot depending on the building codes for where you live. If you want to look into New York state codes because you’re going into real estate then you can find plenty of building codes resources on the web.
============================================

Church_bodiesThe picture to the left is a map that shows which churches are prevelant throughout the US. (Click on the picture to see a larger version.)  The red represents Baptists and it’s no surprise that North Carolina, and much of the rest of the south is depicted in red.  To see different maps showing the nationwide representation for each religion go to http://www.valpo.edu/geomet/geo/courses/geo200/religion.html.

They don’t have a map for the Moravians but it would be interesting to see what a Forsyth County, NC map would look like.  I’d suspect a heavy dose of red, green (Methodist) coffee brown (my color for the Moravians).

There’s another map here that shows the percentage of all residents who are religious adherents and I was surprised to see that North Carolina is decidedly middle of the road.  When the family and I moved here the first question we were asked by anyone we met was, "What’s your church?"  It just seems like a very church-going place.  After looking at the map it seems we are on the eastern edge of the part of the state that reports 50-75% of the residents are religious adherents.  Most of the middle and eastern parts of the state fall into the 35-50% or even 0-35% range.  Not one NC county fell into the 75% or greater category.

Now if you want deep religion you should head out to Utah, west Texas, west Oklahoma, and parts of the upper mid-west.  That’s where you can really find yourself some fire and brimstone.

Turd Man Redux

A while back I wrote a piece called "The Turd Man of Alcatraz" that described my familial role as the discoverer of all floaters and clogged toilets in our house.  Now I’ve taken my act on the road. 

On Monday and Tuesday I was in DC on business and I stayed at the Hampton Inn in Old Town Alexandria. This being the week after Easter I think I was the only businessperson in the hotel and I was surrounded by tourist families. So I’m getting ready to leave (I’d already checked out earlier) and I decided to hit the lobby bathroom before I left.  There was a man waiting outside the men’s room and it ended up he was waiting for his 8-ish year old son to come out.  After they left I went in the bathroom and found, you guessed it, an amazingly large floater.  I was concerned that the kid actually had clogged the toilet but it ended up he just forgot to flush.

Oh well, it is nice to know why you were put on this earth, you know?

In (somewhat) related news Cottonelle has manufactured a roll of toilet paper that tells kids where they need to tear the sheets so they don’t create a clog-monster.  There is some debate as to its efficacy as it doesn’t seem to take into account the different methods employed by users: folding, wrapping or wadding.  My kids naturally lean to the method of wadding a half-roll for each dab-that’ll-do-you, but I’ve implemented a folding training program that seems to have reduced our occurences of brown floods.  Now if I could only figure out how to put an alarm on the toilet that senses a non-flush and automatically zaps them with a not-so-pleasant electric shock as they attempt to leave the bathroom.  The same alarm should also knock them on their butts when they forget to wash their hands.

Here’s my health tip for the day: never accept any food handled by a female under the age of 11 (they discover cleanliness around 12 and then become compulsive) or a male under the age of 26, which is when the average man gets married and also learns how to wash his hands after being harangued 24/7 by his lovely young bride who he’s just discovered is a freakishly compulsive hypochondriac.

Holy Crap, I’m in Third

Okay we’re not even out of April yet, but I’m in third place in my fantasy baseball league (Forkball).  I intentionally ignore my team much of the time because I just can’t take the constant disappointment that the fantasy league often provides me.  So I was shocked to check the standings and find myself north of the Mendoza line.  I think I’ll ignore the team for a month solid and see what happens.

New Survival Sport: Ice Chunk Dodging

A big ‘ol chunk of ice fell on a park in Oakland and apparently it wasn’t frozen poo from a plane since it was clean and clear.  This is happening more frequently around the world and one theory has it that ice is forming on the bellies of planes and then falling off.  Another theory being put forward by a scientist is this:

Martinez-Frias speculates it is
a natural phenomenon caused by global warming. According to his
studies, every time such an incident occurs, it is precipitated by an
unusual atmosphere in which higher altitudes are turbulent and cold.
The cold helps create the ice. The turbulence helps keep it together in
the sky.

As global warming continues to heat the earth, his theory
goes, upper atmospheric temperatures become cooler, opening more
opportunities for the ice to form.

My first question is this: even if it is coming from the bellies of planes why hasn’t it happened before?  What has changed? 

My second question is whether or not anyone knows where I can buy a steel umbrella.

 

Driving a Saturn Doesn’t Have to Be Dorky

2002_saturn_sl2_01I’ve been driving a 2002 Saturn SL for a few years now.  I bought it when I was commuting into DC because it got good mileage, it was easy to park, it fit the entire family comfortably (the kids were a lot smaller then) and who in the hell would steal a Saturn?  Since moving to NC it has been relegated to family back-up status and the mileage primarily comes from my occasional drives to DC for business.  I’m going to hold onto it so the kids can drive it in about two years. It’s a reliable car, but no one has ever uttered "Saturn" and "cool" in the same sentence.  Until now…check out the Sky.

Saturnsky