Category Archives: Family

Meeting with the Cos

JeffandbillcosbyMy cousin Jeff graduated from High Point University with honors in December.  His graduation ceremony was this past Saturday and they had Bill Cosby as their commencement speaker. To the left is a picture of Jeff shaking hands with the Cos and according to the email from my Uncle Frank about the graduation the Cos shook hands with all 700 graduates.  You can hear the full commencement address here, and it’s vintage Cosby. 

I wrote about Jeff’s graduation here so I’m not going to repeat myself.  All I’ll say is that my admiration for Jeff’s accomplishment has not diminished with time.  Way to go bud.

Running on Empty

I apologize ahead of time for the whining.  This time of year is usually tough for me because there’s too much work and lots of stuff going on with the kids, like baseball, soccer, tennis and such.  Truth be told this year feels worse than the last few because, truth be told, I’m not getting any younger.  Right now I’m sitting at the computer trying to wind up my day after getting up at 4:45-ish, heading to the airport for a 6:30 flight to DC, heading straight to SCIP‘s (my client’s) office and I’m still here at 8:30 (that’s PM) with another hour of work to do.  I know there are lots of people who have it worse, but I’m telling you my tank’s about dry.

I’m hoping to sleep hard tonight, but I’m one of those people who can’t sleep well in a hotel so I don’t hold out much hope.  The worst part is that this is the first day of an eight day trip.  The last four will be brutal as we put on SCIP’s largest event of the year.  Everyone here will be on the clock from 6:00 a.m. until some time after dark, and everyone in SCIP’s office has had it as bad (actually worse) than I’ve had it for the last few weeks.  I wouldn’t want to be trapped in a closed room with any of us come Wednesday of next week. The upside is that these are a great group of people to work with and I seriously don’t think I’d be doing it if they weren’t. 

BTW, if you’re in New York next week you should drop by the Marriott Marquis and check out the conference, especially if you happen to be in the competitive intelligence business.  It ain’t free, but it’s a great conference.  If you’re not in CI then maybe you can just drop by and check out the elevators in the place; they’re fast and they go way-high (49 floors).

Yep, I’m exhausted because even as I write this I know it’s one of the dumbest, most self serving things I’ve written yet.  I know it’s self serving because I’ve yet to mention what Celeste has to deal with while I’m gone: games that overlap and necessitate scheduling gyrations and begging for carpools, single-handed homework checking, and dealing with two teenagers and one tween for eight days solid.  It’ll be a miracle if I don’t come home to find her in AA.

But, it beats the alternative of unemployment and everything that comes with it.  With that I declare this whine-fest over.  Everyone have a great week.

Am I Cool or an Embarassment?

So I roll into my driveway last night, or rather this morning at 1:30 a.m. returning from my brief business trip to DC.  I’m up at 5:30 because I have a tight deadline that I have to meet today, and I go out to the driveway to get the paper while the coffee’s brewing.  There I find that this little ‘ol blog has been profiled in the Winston-Salem Journal, and it includes a picture of the family.  I’m thinking this is kind of cool and I’ll bet the kids will love seeing their picture in the paper, so I put it on the kitchen counter and get the two olded up at their usual 6 a.m. to get ready for school. (The youngest is at Camp Hanes with the rest of Lewisville’s 5th graders). Here’s what happened:

  • Neither one of them noticed the paper on the counter.  They’re pretty much zombies in the morning.
  • I pointed out the article to Michael, my 14 year old son, first.  He says "Cool" and goes to get dressed.
  • Five minutes later I pointed out the article to Erin, my 13 year old daughter.  She says "Oh my God.  This is so embarassing.  I’m going to be laughed at at school."  Then she packs her stuff up, gives me a kiss and leaves for the bus.
  • Michael says "See ya" and runs out the door after her.

That left me with a cup of coffee and the question of whether I’m cool or an embarassment.  Yep, a normal day.

FYI, Kim Underwood from the Journal emailed me some questions for the profile a few weeks ago and asked for a picture.  I wasn’t sure if it would actually make the paper because the other blogs they’ve profiled involve "missions", or in other words they are written by people doing something good for the world.  I was pleasantly surprised to find out he actually ran the profile since this thing is pretty much random thoughts spilling out of my addled brain.  Make sure you check out next week’s Web Sightings since it will feature what I consider the best blog in town, Life in Forsyth.

The Snotmobile

Right now if I could invent anything it would be a car engine that could run on snot.  My sons have been generating massive amounts of mucus for the last couple of months (not sure why) and now that it’s allergy season it’s my turn.  I figure by myself I’m producing gallons of this stuff a day, so fueling our vehicle would be good for the pocketbook and our contribution to the "war on global warming."  I could also share the technology with all parents of toddlers, those little 24 inch humans who would be the equivalent of Saudi Arabia in the snot economy.

Speaking of the "war on global warming", does it bother anyone else that we continually declare war on everything?  We have the "War on Drugs", the "War on Childhood Obesity", and the oxymoronic "War on Domestic Violence."  Will someone please declare war on the practice of declaring war on the banal?

5,475 Days and Counting

Joncelesteweddingdance_1 That picture to the left is of me and Celeste 15 years ago today.  I know that it’s nothing new to hear that time flies, but I don’t care who you are I think you always end up reaching these milestone days and wondering how you got there so fast.  Every once in a while I do something silly like calculating how many diapers I changed over the span of about seven years (about 16,000 for the record) and it floors me when I see it. So if instead of thinking about being married for 15 years I think about it as being married for 5,475 days it knocks the wind right out of me.  But I mean that in a good way.

I’m not going to speak for Celeste, but I can tell you that I’m happier and more fulfilled now than I was 15 years ago, or even 7 years ago.  Like so many couples out there Celeste and I had moments when we weren’t sure we’d get from day 2,555 to 2,556.  We had three young children, money was tight, and whatever romantic notions we had about life had been knocked out of us by the real thing.  Somehow we weathered those storms and emerged as a much stronger couple than we entered.  Now at day 5,476 I can honestly say that I can’t imagine my life without her. 

Celesteandkidsmarch97
And of course there are the kids.  They actually represent our first trial because we had our oldest, Michael, before we’d been married even a year.  Erin followed 13 months later and Justin rounded out the bunch just 2 1/2 years after that.  Three kids in four years will either break you or turn you into a kind of mush that you hope someday turns as hard and firm as concrete.  Luckily we went the mush route, and today we stand at the beginning of what we’ve been warned will be our greatest trial: teenage children.

Jandcanniversary_1
I have confidence we’ll weather this trial okay as well.  You see, Celeste is not only a magnificent woman she’s an incredible mother.  She knows when to be empathetic and she knows when to be stern.  Virtually every decision is made with the kids in mind and they know it.  She’s a great balance for me since I’m a "just get over it" kind of guy and I’m about as empathetic as George Patton. 

Finally there’s her treatment of her fourth child, yours truly.  She’s supportive when I need her to be, kicks me in the butt when I need it most, and she makes sure my world continues to spin in the right direction.  She’s truly my better half, and I don’t know where I’d be without her.  I do know that I couldn’t be close to this happy.

As a couple you don’t weather fifteen years of marriage and three kids without experiencing some, uh, changes.  So I’ll end by giving you a picture of that fresh faced couple you see above after said changes.  I feel luckier than any man should be allowed, and all because Celeste chose me over 15 years ago.  Believe me, it’s better to be lucky than good.

Jandcannivbw07

So they’re Double-Ds muscle-wise?

We’re having dinner last night and my daughter is telling us about
a girl at school who is really muscular.  The following exchange
occured:

Daughter (13 years old, seventh grade): "So,
like this girl bends over to tie her shoes, and like, her muscles
bulge out.  They’re like, huge!  And this boy, he like
looks over and like says ‘Man your muscles are huge.’ And the girl
says, like, ‘Stop it you’re embarassing me’."

Youngest Son (10 years old, fifth grade):
"So they’re Double-Ds muscle-wise?"

Entire family (Dad-40 going on 100, Mom-Age not
defined out of sheer self preservation, Brother-14, 8th grade and
aforementioned sister):
Moment of shocked silence followed by
uproarious laughter.  Then almost simultaneously all four ask,
"You know what Double-Ds are?"

Fifth grade son: Turns eight shades of red and
nods his head.

Dad (now going on 120): "So what are they?"

Fifth grade son: "You know…boobs."

Fade to black for childhood, or parental, innocence.

Snow in Huntsville, Alabama Courtesy of Celeste’s Cousin

Celeste’s cousin Richard Joye comes from a family of tinkerers and engineers.  He and his two brothers are the kind of people that make me question my own IQ level (i.e. by comparison mine is dismally low), and just to prove it he’s built his own home-brew snow making operation.  It’s cool enough that the local news station did a story on him.  You can see it here (hopefully the link works).  If it ever gets up on Youtube or Google Video I’ll update this post with the video.

We get to see Ricky and his family every year at Thanksgiving in Charleston, SC and he and I end up hanging out and having a bunch of drinks while our ladies go shopping.  When the kids were little we’d have daddy-duty during our ladies’ shopping sprees so we’d take them to the beach and let them run rampant, go wading in the freezing water and stuff enough sand in their ears to make their heads weigh a pound more than normal.  Good times!

There was that one year when Icehouse first launched and we didn’t realize that it had a higher alcohol content that "normal" beer.  Nothing like puking in front of the in-laws, but that’s a story for another post.

Out of NoVA by the Skin of our Teeth

As I’ve written many times before I grew up in Northern Virginia.  My family moved there in ’72 when I was in first grade and I lived there until we moved here in ’04.  Celeste’s family moved to Northern Virginia in ’79 and she lived there until we moved.  We both went to college at George Mason University in the heart of Fairfax County so we didn’t even leave the area for school. (Well I spent my freshman year in Nebraska at Concordia College-Seward, but that was really like an extended vacation).

We had several reasons for moving, but probably the most prominent was that we just couldn’t stomach the craziness anymore.  What had once been semi-rural suburbs had been fully developed and it seemed that just about every open space had been paved over and rush hour had grown to an all-day affair.  Hell, there were even traffic jams on Saturday.  If Northern Virginia had remained as it was when we first got out of college we probably would have stayed, but we just couldn’t take what it had become.  We could see first hand that growth in the area was out of control, and each year it seemed the NoVa counties were announcing astounding population growth.  So we got out.

Today I came across this article on WashingtonPost.com that makes me even happier that we left when we did.  Let me give you some numbers and excerpts from the article:

  • Loudoun County has added more than 100,000 people since 2000, increasing its population by 59 percent
  • Prince William County, where Celeste and I lived from ’96-’04 has added 88,000 people since 2000
  • "Fairfax County, the state’s largest jurisdiction, has packed in nearly
    47,000 more residents. The next fastest-growing counties — Stafford,
    Spotsylvania and Culpeper — are on the edges of the expanding region."
  • Overall, the state’s population has grown by 560,000 since 2000
  • "The study also found that 33 cities and counties have lost residents in
    the past six years — older urban areas such as Richmond, Petersburg
    and Roanoke, as well as rural counties in Southside and southwestern
    Virginia. Many of those residents seem to have migrated north, along
    with workers from other parts of the United States and the world who
    have been lured by the Washington job market."

That last item doesn’t surprise me.  Southwestern Virginia, along with northwestern NC, is actually served by many of the media outlets here in Winston-Salem and they are suffering the same economic fate as the rest of the region, with huge chunks of jobs in the furniture and textile industries going overseas.  It shouldn’t surprise anyone that they’re heading to places like Northern Virginia for jobs.

Speaking of jobs, here’s another tidbit from the article:

No other region in the country, however, has created as many jobs in
recent years as the Washington metropolitan area. Between 2000 and
2005, the region added 359,000 new jobs, said Stephen S. Fuller,
director of the Center for Regional Analysis at George Mason
University, citing Labor Department statistics. That was 75,000 more
jobs than the nation’s No. 2 job engine, Miami.

"We’ve been
adding jobs faster than we’ve been able to add resident workers," he
said. "Had we been able to produce more housing, we could have added
more people." The Washington region is the eighth most-populous in the
United States, Fuller said, but is fourth in the number of total jobs,
trailing only New York, Los Angeles and Chicago.

The imbalance
probably means more congestion on Northern Virginia’s already-choked
roads. "The downside [to growth] is pretty clear," said Corey A.
Stewart (R-Occoquan), chairman of the Prince William Board of County
Supervisors, who was elected last year on a pledge to curb residential
development. "Increased tax bills. Crowded schools. Public services
stretched and overwhelmed."

I can’t argue that the job market in the DC area is great.  The problem is that housing is so expensive that all but the highest earners end up moving to the outer counties in order to afford a decent place to live.  Public transportation is expanding, but it can’t keep up with the pace of growth so that puts more people on the road and makes an already bad traffic situation almost impossible.

Now that things are getting ugly in places like Prince William and Loudoun the local politicians are starting to tighten up on development.  Unfortunately they didn’t listen to their constituents who were shouting for limits ten years ago.  Instead they gave the developers free reign and now they’ve got a mess.

The leaders here in the Piedmont Triad are pushing hard for more economic development, and in the wake of the exodus of all the textile and furniture business it’s hard to blame them.  I hope, though, that they take a long hard look at what happened in Northern Virginia and control growth from the beginning with a comprehensive growth plan.

I’ve always loved tilting at windmills.

Orni…,uh, Ornithol…, Aw Heck, Just Call it Birdshit

One of my lasting memories of childhood is my mother freaking out around birds.  Any birds, big or small, caused her to melt into a stuttering, jittery mess if they got within arms length of her.  Her condition resulted from a childhood run-in she had with a rabid chicken on some family member’s farm (I think that’s the story) and she’d never been able stand them after that.

When I was in college I was living in an apartment with a couple of guys, including my longtime roommate Fig (cool story: Fig moved to Winston-Salem two years before I did and we now see him and his family more than we ever used to in DC).  He worked at a pet store and then at the Fairfax County Animal Shelter and would often bring home the animals that were considered hopelessly ill and try to nurse them back to health.  One of those animals was a large, white thing that I think was a cockatoo. Whatever it was it had a condition that caused it to lose its feathers over time, resulting in a constantly decaying state of plumage and an attitude more surly than a 13 year old girl deprived of a cell phone (I know where of I speak).  It lived on a pedestal placed on our only table which was located at the central most point in our apartment. That meant you couldn’t go anywhere in the apartment without the thing hissing or trying to fling poop at you.  Thankfully it couldn’t go anywhere due to its bald state and you were safe if you stayed about a foot outside the perimeter of the table.

Needless to say once the bird from hell moved in Mom stopped visiting, but not until she’d stopped by before I could warn her about our new roommate.  She walked in, was hissed at, let out a kind of cry/whelp, blanched whiter than our bald bird, turned around and didn’t come back until it moved out. Note: "moved out" is a euphemism for "croaked".

All this is a long preface to the true topic of this post which is the amazing change Mom made a couple of years ago when she met her leading man, the estimable Dr. Bert Dickas, retired professor of geology and avid bird watcher.  In the years since they met she’s joined him on numerous birding expeditions and can now tell a pigeon from an emu.  She’s gone so far as to fly to a Caribbean destination with the express purpose of tromping through the jungle looking for exotic birds rather than basking on a beach.  Even more impressive is that he’s talked her into driving to destinations not on either of the coasts, heretofore known as "the other America", to watch migrating birds.  Never underestimate the power of love.

I thought of this after reading about the website of Cornell University’s Lab of Ornithology. I’m sure Bert will find it interesting and maybe Mom might even take a look at it.  Me?  I’m going to see if they have anything on surly, balding cockatoos.

Jeff James

One of my closest friends throughout my life has been my cousin Jeff James.  I’m only three months older than he is which means we’ve been hanging out for close to 40 years.  Even though we’ve lived hundreds of miles apart most of that time we’ve been to the beach together many times (one trip when we were about 20 was particularly memorable for reasons I won’t go into to protect both of our careers), and hung out at his house or mine whenever we could.  When I moved to Winston-Salem a couple of years ago I was looking forward to seeing much more of my extended family, and in particular my two cousins closest in age to me, Jeff and Wendy.  Unfortunately I haven’t seen as much of Jeff as I’d have liked but there’s a very good reason for that, and it requires a little background.

When we first got out of high school in the mid-80s all of us went to college.  After a couple of years Jeff decided that school wasn’t for him so he dropped out and went to work.  He was married pretty soon after leaving school and he and his lovely wife Debbie had their daughter Courtney not long afterwards.  So while I was doing the fraternity party thing Jeff was working and starting a family.

A few years ago Jeff decided that he was ready to try school again.  He enrolled at High Point University and effectively lost the concept of free time.  He’s been in school year-round since then, taking a couple of classes each term, all while working full time at BB&T, fulfilling his role as husband and father (Courtney’s a senior in high school this year) and playing in a band. 

Last week Jeff finished his final class and he will be graduating with honors.  If my memory serves me correctly, which isn’t guaranteed due in large part to my brain-frying fraternity activities 20 years ago, Jeff had only one grade below an "A" so his GPA is probably higher than I can count.  To say it is an impressive accomplishment would be doing Jeff an extreme disservice.

Getting through college when you’re 21, have no real responsibilities outside of school and have the energy that comes with being young and not yet beaten into submission by your children, is what I would consider a moderately impressive accomplishment.  Doing it when you’re working full time, haven’t cracked a book in over 15 years and have all the responsibilities that come with being married with children is an accomplishment that few of us can claim.  To do it and graduate with honors is simply one of the great achievements I’ve ever witnessed.

We had a little celebration for Jeff after our family Christmas gathering last Saturday and Debbie threw a surprise party for him on Sunday so that he could celebrate with some of his co-workers and friends.  It was great to see his efforts and accomplishments celebrated, and I hope he realized how proud everyone was of him and how pleased everyone was for him. 

Jeff has always been a great guy, kind and level headed, loyal to his family and friends, always there when needed.  He made some tremendous sacrifices to get his degree (so did Debbie and Courtney by the way) and my hope is that he will realize great rewards for that sacrifice.  He’s certainly earned them.

Nothing I write can do Jeff justice, so just let me end this by saying that I can’t remember ever feeling greater pride in a friend and I’m grateful that I’ve had 40 years to be graced by his presence in my life.  Now that he’s done with school I hope we’ll all be graced by his presence a whole lot more. 

In other words, it’s time to party big guy!