In 2006 more women under the age of 30 who had babies did so out of wedlock. I won’t delve into the moral arguments here, rather I’ll focus on the practical. First and foremost, I can’t imagine being a single parent at any age. Being a parent is exhausting and when you don’t have someone to share the burden it is doubly so. Second, as a single parent you’re fighting an uphill battle financially. Even if you get child support you still have to find a way to make ends meet and that means either working, living on public support, living on family support or some combination of the three. Third, you’re not going to have a lot of spare time to spend with your kids. Where do they turn for the attention that you can’t give them?
This trend is troubling because in the end it will impact all of us. As the person who conducted the study cited in the article said:
The inequality of incomes in these families is unbelievable,” said
Sum, who has written numerous books and articles about the job market,
young families and poverty. “Forty percent are poor, or near-poor. A
large fraction is dependent on public assistance. Unless the mother is
very well-educated and has a bachelor’s degree or above, there’s a huge
fiscal cost to the rest of us.
Hat tip to Ed Cone for the link to the article.
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Befuddled 
Let me shed some personal experience on this.
I had a child “out of wedlock” when I was 30. Her father, though a “nice guy”, had multiple addiction problems and was NOT someone I was going to share this with. Not someone I was going to subject the child to. Growing up in a home with a parent who is an addict means a child who grows up thinking that addiction is normal. The smells, the lifestyle, the erratic schedule, the lack of trust – all of it. So I put her first.
Now – knowing folks who are married happily, or not… and knowing folks who are divorced, un-wed, widowed, or otherwise parenting solo – I can say that a. Being single is not necessarily more work; b. As with anything – it’s all in your attitude and ability to deal with that which life throws at you; and c. puhleeeeze let’s not judge by our so-called socail welfare system! Even working part-time for $6.00 per hour at Borders I did not qualify for assistance from our wonderful governmental system, assistance that I badly needed at the time. Nothing. Not food stamps, not assistance with bills, nothing. I got a discount on my phone bill. Hoorah! That was IT. (nor did my college degree save me from poverty – as anyone who has lost a job in recent years can quickly attest to as well!)
Believe me, your tax dollars, my tax dollars, are NOT supporting all those unwed mothers out there in the world. I can’t tell you who they are supporting – but I can tell you that if they are receiving assistance – they really really really really need it.
Now – I stand by my decision every single day. It was the singlemost smartest call I’ve ever made. Had I been married, my kid would be forced (thru the inevitable divorce and custody agreement) to spend more time with her father – someone who still lives in the same manner as he did 10 years ago. In recent years he has been hit by a car (drinking, he walked in front of the poor schmoe), unemployed for more than 18 months, married – and subsequently divorced a local stripper heroine junkie, and now deals with ongoing custody drama with one of the 2 questionable chidren from that relationship. My daughter chose to change her last name to mine when one of those kids started school at her elementary a few years ago.
My next-door neighbor’s daughter also now has unwed parent status. M is a smart young woman with a great start on a fabulous career. She has maintained an active relationship with the father – sharing household and responsibilities. The decision was made not to marry so that they could do their best at this. A shotgun wedding would have put additional pressures on the 2, in a sense falisfying hte relationship. After 18 mos with baby breathing air, they have found themselves closer, happier, and fully ready to take that next step. I think they did the right thing. Now they will wed for love and commitment, not just because there’s a baby on the way…
So I think we’ve just become more practical. Society allows us to make individual choices now. This is a good thing.
I wouldn’t argue with your for a minute that single parenthood is always a bad thing. I grew up in a single parent household and in the end everything worked out dandy, BUT I think my Mom would be the first to tell you that there were times that she would have preferred having some help. For instance I’m fairly certain that she felt almost stranded on an island dealing with me and my brother when we were teenagers.
I should have made clear that I don’t think that marriage is always a better situation. Many a psychopath has been head of a nuclear household and has reaped untold damage on their children. So yes there are always going to be situations where being a single parent is better than the alternative.
I guess what I find troubling, and I should have made this clear, is that there are so many young women having children and are without the tools or resources necessary to live above the poverty level. And since they are the sole provider it puts an incredible strain on them and their children just to survive. I too know a few people who have needed public assistance and you’re right when you say that it’s a myth to think that these people are living on easy street.
As a society, though, we still all pay when we have so many people living in such hard, stressful situations. Single parents who work two jobs to make ends meet don’t have much time to spend with their kids. Where do those kids turn for direction? In some cases there’s extended family members to fall back on, but in many there’s the proverbial “street.”
I’m not so much a traditionalist that I think that the institution of marriage is the end-all, be-all. Marriage is simply our traditional way of organizing our society. But let’s say that the single parenthood trend continues higher and we have more single-parent homes than not. Our society could structure things so that both parents are financially responsible for the children but the custodial parent is free to create a situation where there are multiple responsible adults in the household to help rear the children. Think of two single mothers (or fathers) sharing a house and the household duties for their “merged families.” What’s wrong with this, especially if it works?
So, I’ll end by saying that I look at single parenthood as a heroic achievement. I don’t envy single parents because they carry the entire load. Some pull it off and some don’t, just as some married parents pull it off and some don’t. I honestly hope that more single parents can make it work, but if they can’t then we are looking at a generation of children who will be living in extremely tough circumstances and I think the effect on our society will harsh.