Esbee approaches the local newspaper issue from her own angle.  Essentially she wants to return to the days when newspapers wrote more of their own stuff (i.e. relied less on wire stories) and actually used language that didn’t prompt slumber. I’d love to see the paper provide more stories like Esbee’s take on crime reporting.  To wit:

Winston-Salem police say that a
heavy-set villain robbed the Wachovia bank branch on Martin Luther King
Jr. Drive about 11 a.m. Monday.

A
surveillance-camera image shows the villain looking up menacingly as he
looms over the bank’s security guardian. The villain gestured
threateningly with an instrument of death to force the guardian to lie
down, police Capt. David Clayton said.

The
villain is described as black, in his 30s, 6 feet tall, about 350
pounds, with a thin mustache and goatee. He wore a gray, hooded
sweatshirt with blue sleeves and a thick white stripe on the side and
on the sleeves. He left in a blue Cadillac. He may or may not have the
power to shapeshift.

Any citizen with information that could foil this villain should call Crime Stoppers at 727-2800!

Esbee’s commenters then provide even more, suggesting "corpulent bandit" to which Esbee replies with "El Bandito Gordito."  Any time you can weave a description that suggests a role for Jack Black into a story you’re doing something right.