Anyone who has or has had teenagers will learn nothing from this post. Those of my friends who have little ones who are yet to reach teenager status, take this as a warning. Here goes: teenagers, or at least teenagers in the middle school age range of 13-15, are as vacuous and disturbingly dense as any being on the face of the planet. While they never, and I mean never, are at a loss for words they rarely if ever actually SAY anything. They open their mouths and spew a series of random words that will sometimes form incomplete sentences with the word "like" interspersed between every third word, but they never, ever actually form a verbal paragraph much less a coherent story line.
When young teenagers speak all parental ears can hear is "blah, blah, blah" until those fateful words "Can I have…" or "I want…" appear and then the parents know to prepare for the inevitable tantrum when their blathering progeny don’t get what they want. Of course that’s when the kids attempt to put together a cogent argument in support of getting whatever they desire, but because the part of their brain devoted to logic has atrophied due to extended non-use they manage only to put together rambling soliloquies that cause their parents to wonder if perhaps their children are more than a little touched in the head.
I’m told this is a phase that will soon pass only to be replaced by a far more odious phase. Older and wiser parents have informed me that while young teenagers are infuriatingly inane, they are relatively harmless. In military terms they are fighting with broomsticks, while apparently in high school they pick up live ammo. I believe it because it’s dawning on me that these same kids that can talk for hours about some poor girl at school with that hair will be driving in less than two years. Armed indeed, God help us.