Oh the Inanity

Anyone who has or has had teenagers will learn nothing from this post.  Those of my friends who have little ones who are yet to reach teenager status, take this as a warning.  Here goes: teenagers, or at least teenagers in the middle school age range of 13-15, are as vacuous and disturbingly dense as any being on the face of the planet.  While they never, and I mean never, are at a loss for words they rarely if ever actually SAY anything.  They open their mouths and spew a series of random words that will sometimes form incomplete sentences with the word "like" interspersed between every third word, but they never, ever actually form a verbal paragraph much less a coherent story line. 

When young teenagers speak all parental ears can hear is "blah, blah, blah" until those fateful words "Can I have…" or "I want…" appear and then the parents know to prepare for the inevitable tantrum when their blathering progeny don’t get what they want.  Of course that’s when the kids attempt to put together a cogent argument in support of getting whatever they desire, but because the part of their brain devoted to logic has atrophied due to extended non-use they manage only to put together rambling soliloquies that cause their parents to wonder if perhaps their children are more than a little touched in the head.

I’m told this is a phase that will soon pass only to be replaced by a far more odious phase.  Older and wiser parents have informed me that while young teenagers are infuriatingly inane, they are relatively harmless.  In military terms they are fighting with broomsticks, while apparently in high school they pick up live ammo.  I believe it because it’s dawning on me that these same kids that can talk for hours about some poor girl at school with that hair will be driving in less than two years.  Armed indeed, God help us.

5 thoughts on “Oh the Inanity

  1. Former teenage girl

    I was a perfectly responsible teenager who stayed out of trouble, never made any irreversible mistakes, etc. I hated inane babble, talking on the phone, and I withdrew from teenagers like the ones you describe, seeking refuge in places like Math Club and part time jobs.
    Saying that all teenagers are idiots because she was an idiot is like saying that all high school coaches want to marry their students because he did. I found that college freshmen tended to be no more responsible than high school students. Only after they were allowed to experience the consequences of their actions did they grow up. And yes, unlike the drunkies I graduated in 4 years and got a job offer within a week of college graduation.
    Yes, my 14 year old sister fits your description perfectly. I love her, but I would not have wanted to hang out with her at her age. Please do not make overly broad generalizations. Honestly, if I could go back, I think I would have been better off leaving high school early and starting college at 15 or 16 – In college the idiots flunk like they deserved to in high school.
    When I have kids, they may be like you describe. Or, they may not. It depends on the individual.

  2. Former teenage girl

    Sorry, the reference had to do with the coach who married his 16 year old student and had dated her since she was 14. My apologies. Plenty of stupidity to go around there, most of which wasn’t the girl’s.

  3. Former teenage girl

    Also, just think – your kid may always be that inane – look at Paris Hilton and most of Hollywood! (okay, done ranting now 😉 )
    (Have I made you wince yet 😉 )

  4. Jon Lowder

    Former Teenage Girl,
    First, thanks for the comments. Second, yikes! Even speaking of any kid I know, much less my own, in the same sentence as Paris Hilton is downright scary. You’re right about the sweeping generalizations and I know plenty of kids who don’t behave so immaturely, but for the most part I think it’s just part of that age and the vast majority outgrow it quickly. If they didn’t then our society would have imploded long ago.
    BTW, I usually write posts like that when I’ve had my fill of the kids which I had that day.

  5. Former teenage girl

    Oh, I know that most grow out of it. In most circles, that behavior becomes less popular as you get older. It’s kind of like throwing a public, screaming on the floor temper tantrum at the store after the age of 7 or so – even if their parents give in, they’ve still embarassed themselves so it’s not worth it and therefore more subtle forms of manipulation must be pursued. Of course, that behavior should go away long before it embarasses the kid, but I know nothing – I have no kids, just 1 younger brother and 3 younger sisters.
    My first college roommate acted exactly the way you describe above, even going so far as to make fun of and draw mean & childish pictures of another girls’ hair and slide it under her door, and it earned her the title “our resident twelve year old” from the floor. She claimed, “all the girls want to be like me and all the boys want to be with me” when the truth was closer to “all the boys make fun of my inanity and all the girls want to get away from me”. No one liked her even though she was probably quite popular in middle school, which she was still blathering about. The fact she had not only a driver’s license but also a credit card is scary beyond belief. And being mature enough to socialize with college freshmen is a pretty low bar. But, the fact that she was an outlier gives hope for the majority of inane preteens/early teens.
    My sister will grow out of it though…… She’d better…. Even if I have gagged at utter and complete inanity her myspace page…


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