I added the Google Adsense bar to the right side of this blog a week or two ago.  In that time they show me as generating 880+ page views with exactly zero click-throughs.  Yikes.

As a consequence I’ve deferred my retirement plans by another 20 years and am now re-evaluating my get-rich-by-blogging strategy. I’m considering the following:

• Selling my blood via my blog.  I’m a universal donor and I no longer trust the Red Cross, so I’m thinking a direct-to-consumer approach might be worthwhile.  I’ll worry about little problems like blood sucking and delivery when I get my first order.
• Selling my dog via my blog.  The challenge here is figuring out how to get rid of the dog without the family noticing it.  I could make a cardboard cutout of the dog with motion-activated slobbering, peeing and whining, but that’s a temporary solution.  Perhaps I could just tell them that they were playing in traffic, were killed instantly when they were hit by a passing pickup and I’ve disposed of the remains to spare them the agony of seeing the carnage.  Promising.
• Selling my clothes via my blog.  I work from home so really I just need a couple of t-shirts, some sweats, a pair of jeans and one suit for special occasions.  The only problem is I’m not sure if there’s a market for paint-splattered sweats and t-shirts or suits that weren’t in vogue even when the president’s dad was in office.  Probably a non-starter.
• Selling my 2001 Saturn that has a weird body-odor smell that just won’t go away.  You never know what kind of freakish stuff will sell online; this might just pull in some serious bucks from someone with a strange fetish or a fan of a certain Seinfeld episode.
• Selling my opinion via my blog.  I think there’s an untapped market for commentary from a semi-literate, middle-aged, married-father-of-three whose idea of a good time is being able to watch a Tivo’d episode of CSI without being interrupted for 45 minutes straight.  You think O’Reilly or Dowd have something to say?  They represent about .001% of the population.  What the country needs is to hear from a representative of the largest class of Americans out there, the befuddled and exhausted guy who never thought he’d be caught dead saying things like, "That power-paint-roller is the greatest thing sinced sliced bread; I was able to cut my project time on painting the exterior by at least half."  I guaran-damn-tee you that Bill O’Reilly hasn’t painted anything other than his toe nails since 1975.  Of course Maureen Dowd does a lot of painting, but it’s all in front of a mirror.

I think that’s it.  I’ll use this blog to launch my career as a syndicated-everyman-columnist. Now you might be concerned that savvy editors could find this type of content by merely surfing the internet and finding blogs just like mine, but your concern would be misplaced.  With the rare exception of fine editors like our friend John Robinson at the Greensboro New & Record the editors at today’s newspapers don’t have a clue what’s out there.  It’ll be like selling candy to a baby.

Now if I could just find my first original thought.