This is a picture of the Rhine River taken in 1999. It's also the most expensive picture ever sold at auction, which has me convinced that art collectors are dumber than I ever imagined.
I'm thinking there's a new reality series to be had here – When Morons Are In Charge:
At Wolcott High School one morning this week, an urgent announcement crackled over the intercom: a threatening intruder was in the building and students were told to immediately take refuge in classrooms.
Doors were locked and police, with dogs, moved in. Students stayed huddled in classrooms where they were told to stay away from the windows.
But what sounded like a frightening situation was just a search for narcotics. Drug-sniffing dogs combed the school while students stayed in locked classrooms, believing that an attacker was roaming the halls.
As the columist points out in the rest of the piece there are all kinds of problems with this operation, but I'd like to point out the most obvious – if there's ever a real intruder in the school in the future the kids are now more likely to not take it seriously and to think it's some kind of drill or just another drug sweep. Have the administrators never heard of Chicken Little?
"What were they thinking?" might become a regular feature on this blog since the exponential growth of social media seems to have spurred an equally explosive growth in "people are stupid" stories. To wit:
JC Penny's "I'm too pretty to do homework" t-shirt – The t-shirt reads, "I'm too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me."
Beer Pong Fundraiser for MADD – Many thanks to my friend Paul Jones for sharing this story on Twacebook (he shared on Twitter and Facebook). From the story: "How about Beer Pong and Mothers Against Drunk Driving? No, really. That's what the Newark Bears independent baseball team tried to connect without the dots recently… Did I mention the nickname of Newark's beloved Can-Am league team is the "Boozy News Bears"? And then, there's that."
There truly is a sucker born every minute – "A Spartanburg woman told deputies that the iPadshe bought from two men in a McDonald'srestaurant parking lot turned out to be a block of wood painted black with an Apple logo. Authorities say the men gave her a closed FedEx box, and she didn't discover she had bought a block of wood until she got home."
You know you've pulled a jerk move when two different people post pictures of your parking job online and ask for comments. Here's a tip: if you're that worried about your paint job then take up two spaces on the far end of the lot (a minimally jerky move) rather than two spaces that are right outside the entrance (a maximally aholey move).
So Arizona education officials want to reassign teachers with heavy accents so that they aren't teaching students who are learning English. The story's here and the first comment on the story is this:
Have you spoken with any college aged students lately? The number of functional illiterates in our primary and secondary school system is disheartening. Unless these students can hear English spoken correctly at home and on the street, yet alone taught it correctly in our schools we should all start calling it "bassetball" or say "ax" instead of ask, or perhaps we can all "boat" instead of "vote"??? how much further down do we have to lower our standards to allow for "the acceptable " lever of mediocrity?
"Lever of mediocrity?" "Yet alone?"
Pot, meet kettle.
I just registered my daughter for her club soccer team for next fall. I opted to pay online and after I hit the "submit" button for the payment a window popped up saying that I was going to be assessed a $1.75 "convenience fee" for paying online with a credit card. A friend of mine had a much more appropriate term for this kind of fee; he called it a d-ck fee. And if you're wondering what the dash stands for let's just say that the word would not be a bird that quacks.
That kind of crap makes me want to drive over to the office and pay with a sack of pennies.
As dumb as it is to drive drunk, how much dumber is it to drive drunk on a motorcycle? You'd think that no matter how drunk you were you'd at least have some basic survival instict triggering alarm bells in your head. You know, something like: "Daggum I'm hammered. Maybe getting on the road and traveling at speeds that God never intended for human beings, and NOT being surrounded by a ton of metal and airbags ain't the best idea." The good news is that drunks this stupid likely will do the most damage to themselves and the people dumb enough to ride with them, while the "smarter" drunks tend to take out their stupidity on the rest of us.